Food Fight

I have seen a lot of Food Fights on television and in comic strips, but I have never really seen any in real life. The closest we come to having one is probably on Birthdays where cake is smeared on the face of the one who celebrates completing another year on the planet. I think it has a lot to do with our culture, where wastage of food is frowned upon and considered almost sinful. 

I digress though. This is not a post on wastage of food as such, but on the arguments that I have witnessed and been a part of, which involved food habits and choices. All those who know me, will agree with me when I say that I am not really a foodie. I am a lanky person who eats to live, rather than lives to eat. That doesn’t mean that I do not appreciate good food, but it indicates that if I like a particular item, I won’t keep eating it till my stomach bursts.

I am a strict vegetarian, partly because of my religion but primarily because my entire family is that way and so I never really had the need to have non-vegetarian foods. Being brought up this way, I never really felt the need or the curiosity to try food that involved birds or animals being killed. In school, it was a coincidence that most of my friends were also vegetarians, so there were never really any arguments about the place to eat or what to order, but things changed once I entered college.

During my engineering, it wasn’t uncommon for me to be the only vegetarian person on the meal table, which was not necessarily a good thing. A lot of people are extremely passionate about their choice of food and are vocal about their opinion as well. These people also tend to propagate their choices and look down upon those who do not share their viewpoints. The object of this post is to bring forth the arguments that I have come across which have amused and entertained me quite a bit.

The Non Vegetarian Foodie – I may be biased here, but as far as I know Non-Vegetarians are more passionate and vocal about the food they eat and most if not all look down and pity Vegetarians. I do not have statistics, but I am sure Non Vegetarians outnumber their Vegetarian counterparts by a huge margin. Most of the non-vegetarians (NV from now on) refuse to eat Vegetarian (Veg) food if they are eating out, either at a restaurant or at a get-together.

I was with a friend at a get together once where the waiter serving starters. When a vegetarian dish was offered to my friend he looked at it in disgust and told the waiter that he only wanted Non-Veg and not “Ghaas Phoos” (Grass and Leaves). One of my NV friends once told me that anyone who does not consume Non Veg food is a wasted existence that is only taking up space on this earth. The tender, juicy morsels of a variety of meats have a flavor and aroma that can only be experienced and not described, and someone who willingly chooses to avoid this festival of taste should be declared clinically insane. He then proceeded to have a discussion with a fellow NV foodie about the different types of animals that he had tried and where and how they tasted etc etc.

The NV often turns to a Veg and asks them. After all, what choices do you have? The only dish that a Veg has is Paneer (Cottage Cheese), and even that is cooked in gravy originally meant for NV dishes. And, that if he was meant to eat grass and leaves, he should have been born as a cow/goat instead of a human.

Food habits can change over time and whenever an NV comes across someone who recently became an NV, he instantly gains respect for the individual as he feels that a mere mortal has finally seen the light and proceeds to guide him and enlighten him about the joys of his new found wisdom and taste. Conversely, an NV converting into a Veg is looked upon as a Heretic who has strayed from the holy path and is headed for eternal damnation.

I think the only NV argument that I agree with is that Vegetarians miss out on a variety of tastes, and adapting to foreign countries is more difficult as the number of Non-Indian vegetarians is quite low. And of course, one misses out on the exotic signature dishes of many countries because of this.

The Vegetarian Foodie – Vegetarian foodies are fewer in number and are generally outnumbered when it comes to Food related arguments. That doesn’t mean that they are outgunned though. Veg foodies always take the moral high ground when it comes to food choices and claim that their diet is generally healthier and does not involve killing of animals. (In case a girl is making the argument, then this is often accompanied by adjectives like cute along with some shrills and shrieks for voice modulation). Slaughter of innocent animals like Chickens, Pigs, Rabbits etc is the main foundation of their arguments.

The healthier aspect of vegetarian food is used to justify that it is natural, contains higher fibre, richer in vitamins and nutrients and carries significantly lower risk of diseases. Also, epidemics like Bird Flu don’t affect their eating habits, so they don’t have to worry about changing what they eat depending on what is happening around them. Also, there is a stronger claim for Veg to be cleaner than NV because plants in general are static, and you don’t have to worry about where they have been, what they have eaten etc.

One thing that all Veg foodies realise is that NVs are Omnivores who can and do eat veg as well. But the problem arises when they mouth off on how bad it is, or how they shouldn’t have had to eat it. The most confusing thing about NVs for me is that many of them refuse to eat NV on certain days of the week or during certain months for a variety of reasons. I know that they have their reasons for the same, but honestly it is beyond me to understand it. For a true foodie, what they eat should depend on what they want to eat, and should not necessarily be influenced by unexplainable factors.

The best argument I ever came across was actually from an NV foodie. One of my friends asked the other person how they could eat chickens that have been slaughtered and enjoy the experience. The response was that it is the chickens fault for being so delicious. If god had not meant for them to be eaten, then they should not have been made so tasty in the first place.

I guess viewpoints and opinions on Food are almost as personal as they are for music. The passion for it does vary in a similar vein as well. I doubt if people will stop imposing their Food philosophy on to others anytime soon, and the arguments between the two sects shall continue. Perhaps Herbivores and Carnivores would have been a better method to describe the two sects, but I will leave it as Food for thought for you to decide.

Food [food]
noun
1. Any nourishing substance that is eaten, drunk, or otherwise taken into the body to sustain life, provide energy, promote growth, etc.
2. More or less solid nourishment, as distinguished from liquids.
3. A particular kind of solid nourishment
4. Whatever supplies nourishment to organisms
5. Anything serving for consumption or use

Different Forms of Children at Weddings

The last 6 months have been a phase where many of my friends decided to get married and settle down. As a result, I ended up attending a slew of weddings during this time. Personally, I don’t like weddings. They are too long, formal and in a word, boring. If anyone ever asks me how a wedding was, I can only measure it by the company of friends and the quality of food that was served.
 

When I was younger and was dragged to boring ceremonies as I didn’t have a choice in the matter, I noticed certain similarities in the behaviour of a certain community at each wedding. I have finally come down to writing my observations.
 

In every wedding, there are a large number of children, who tend to exhibit certain kinds of behaviour. In most cases they can be classified into a particular category depending on the type of behaviour they exhibit. The classification is given below. It may not be comprehensive, but it covers most types of children that can be found during weddings.
 

1. The Atheletes – The kind of children who can be seen running around. They will run as if their lives depended on it. The activity of frantically running in seemingly random directions is done in groups but can also be carried out by an individual. The objective of this physical activity is unknown and I have never been able to determine the final goal for the same. This is one of the most dangerous categories of children that can be found as they are likely to run into your leg and then fall and start crying. In which case you would be blamed for injuring an innocent child.
 

2. The Soundtracks – One of the largest categories that exist. Sound systems can be broadly classified into three subgroups – Screamers, Wailers and Laughers. The names pretty much explain what these children do. These are the ones that generate 60% of the noise that emanates from the background, barring the live band and/or music that is playing. The threat from this category increases as you get closer to them. 

3. The Flora Flingers – A fairly peculiar category, these children seem to be obsessed with the flowers that are used in decorating the marriage venue. Once they get an opportunity, they brutally rip the flowers off the walls and use them as projectile weapons to hurl at their comrades in this category. Of course, there are many innocents caught in the crossfire as well. Eyewitness accounts report that the flower of choice is the marigold or ‘genda’.
 

4. The Sleepers – A relatively harmless category, these are the children that can be found sleeping during the wedding. The preferred habitat for these children is the laps of their parents. They can also be found hanging in seemingly unnatural positions while sleeping.
 

5. The Leaders – A certain group of children believes that weddings are the times when they need to step up and take charge. They feel that it is their responsibility to organise the rest of the pack and their able leadership and direction will be the only means that will maximise the amount of fun that each child can have at that time. They also believe that they can manage the rebellious tendencies of each child and ensure order. These children are also considered spoilsports and have a high tendency to become tattletales.
 

6. The Vectors – the bearers of diseases, there are always some children that are violently ill, yet their parents insist on dragging them to weddings. The most dangerous of the vectors are the children that keep puking all over the place. Unfortunately, their preferred location to release semi digested food is near the food counters, invariably very close to where you will be standing.
 

7. The Gluttons – Children of a particular category (Read as FAT) believe that weddings is the single largest opportunity for them to tank up on the delicacies that are normally denied to them or are available in limited quantities. They hog like there is no tomorrow and can normally be found near the dessert counter of the weddings. Gluttons who have had their fill can be identified by the syrup dripping from their faces or stuck to their fingers and clothes. 

8. The Oppressed Victims – Some parents believe that weddings are the platform that they needed to showcase the numerous talents that their child had to an ever appreciative audience of close and distant relatives. The child is then willingly or unwillingly made to perform various acts of song and dance to please the audience, which is inevitably accompanied by shrieks of laughter, appreciation, bear hugs and marks on the cheek.

9. The Adhesives – A niche and elite category, a close relative of the bride and/or groom (Normally a niece, nephew or younger cousin) feels the need to stick to the bride and groom like glue and considers it to be his birthright to be a part of every single photograph being taken to commemorate that joyous day. The child might not be that close to the marrying couple, but would somehow develop an inseparable affection on that particular day. 

10. The Ground Huggers – Another peculiar category, every wedding has some children that for some unexplainable reason just lie down on the floor in the middle of high traffic areas (like the stage), doing absolutely nothing. They remain wide awake but choose to remain parallel to the ground. Sometimes they can be found rolling in that area or wildly flaying their arms. 

During the course of a wedding, a child is known to adorn at least 4 of these avatars. An absolute random estimate pegs the average forms taken by a child at each wedding to 4.74. Children normally end up taking each form at least once before they turn 13. The long term impact of a child’s preference to repeatedly prefer a single avatar has never been studied, probably because it would be a waste of time and effort, but I am sure eventually, someone will go around to studying that as well. Till that happens, children will probably continue to do many such random acts during weddings and as long as I have to keep attending weddings, I will try to keep adding to this list.
trans·form [v. trans-fawrm; n. trans-fawrm]
–verb (used with object)
1. To change in form, appearance, or structure; metamorphose.
2. To change in condition, nature, or character; convert.
3. To change into another substance; transmute.
4. Mathematics. To change the form of (a figure, expression, etc.) without in general changing the value.
5. Physics. To change into another form of energy.

The Sound of Music

This post has nothing to do with the movie of the same name. I remember seeing the movie as a kid, but I never really liked it too much. I could never get my head around musicals, and to this day if I ever end up watching one, I am always disappointed. 

Anyway, what I actually wanted to write about was music. Music is one of my greatest interests, and although I have absolutely zero talent when it comes to playing an instrument or singing, I love it when it comes to a past time, and I can spend hours on end listening to something from my playlist.

I believe music is one of the very rare entities that have a universal appeal. I am yet to come across anyone who has absolutely no interest in any form of music. Of course, just clubbing music into a single generic category is extremely unfair, as it is too broad and diverse a category in itself. I am not an expert but there are hundreds of genres and subgenres of music that are known and almost every artist that exists normally tries to create an individual and exclusive classification for their particular brand of music.

Music has existed for centuries and something that I did not know was that it is assumed to have existed for over 40,000 years based on discoveries that date back to the Palaeolithic age. Music has existed in different form across different cultures and has been mentioned in religious and ancient scriptures like the Vedas, the Bible and many other Greek and Chinese texts. Enough of the history lesson though.

One thing that I realised was that music, despite having a universal appeal is a very individualistic indulgence and everyone has their own specific tastes, choices and opinions on it. Trying to educate someone on music or telling them about how your choice is better than theirs is a wasted exercise. So, I am not going to try to convince anyone on what they should listen to, but I will talk about my particular choice of music.

My earliest memory of listening to music was the collection of my parents, which were the classics like Abba, Bee Gees, A-Ha and BoneyM. I remember growing up listening to, and in the process destroying many of the audio cassettes that my parents had. The chaos had started when I and my brother discovered the record button on our two-in-one. My family was never too interested in Hindi movies, so I never really got into Hindi music, and most of the popular songs of the 90s passed me by without leaving a mark.

I strongly believe that music is a constantly evolving interest, and just like evolution involves a few failures at the start, some of my early tastes in music were not what I am proud of when I think about them now. Unfortunately, I could not escape the pop revolution in totality. There was a phase when I was in school when I would love to listen to the popular songs that had a generous overdose of ‘Baby’ in their lyrics. I have to admit that a decent number of cassettes of these artists can be found lying in my room even to this date.

I grew up at a time when MTV wasn’t a Hindi music channel, and English songs would be played at a reasonably high frequency. When I was studying for my class 10 boards, my interest in music rose significantly and I developed the habit of listening to songs while studying. Even at that time, English music could be found on television in the late night shows which were a good activity whenever I took breaks while studying.

The pop phase of my life didn’t last too long as it was interspersed with a spattering of pop-rock by the likes of Bryan Adams and Bon-Jovi. These artists left a much deeper impact and I stall have their songs on my playlist, even though I almost never listen to them now. My first exposure to metal was when I heard Enter Sandman by Metallica. I ended up buying that album when I was in class 6, but I would listen to it once in a while for the first couple of years. I believe the turning point was when my brother bought an Iron Maiden album titled Best of the Beast a couple of years later. I always considered myself good at picking up the lyrics of the songs that I would listen to, even if I didn’t have a method of verifying if I was correct or not. There was a particular song in that album that forced me to go through the lyrics. It went:

“The White Man Came, Across the Seas,
He Brought us Pain and Misery,
He Killed our Tribe, He Killed our Creed,
He Took our Gain, For His own Needs,
We Fought him Hard, We Fought him Well,
Out on the Fields, We Gave him Hell,
But When it Came, Too Much to be,
Will we Ever, Be Supreme?“

Now, this was a British band, singing against colonisation. I was intrigued, and I decided to go through the lyrics of the rest of the songs on the album and it was a revelation to say the least. Iron Maiden is my favourite band, and the main reason for that is the lyric of their songs. Not long after that I bought their album "Brave New World" and my outlook on music changed forever. I can honestly say that I have not come across a better collection of music in my life. I cannot count the number of times I have heard every single song on that album. One particular song remained my ringtone for more than 4 years till the phone conked off. Me and my brother love to listen to music while driving, and whenever Brave New World would find its place in the car music system, it would stay in there for a couple of months before it got a break for a few days.

Metallica, Guns ‘n’ Roses, Megadeth and Anathema are all phenomenal bands with very meaningful songs that I love to listen to, but nothing comes close to Iron Maiden in my opinion. MP3s helped the cause much more as I was able to amass more songs during my final years in school. During my class 12 boards and subsequent competitive exams, I decided to listen to heavier music in an attempt to stay awake while studying. This failed miserably as I ended up memorising every single song and started falling asleep. My appreciation for Metallica grew as I paid attention to their lyrics as well. There are certain songs by some of these bands that just blew me away and forced me to sample more of their works.

In school, I was never able to find too many friends who shared a similar taste in music, but this changed during my engineering. My friendship with one of my closest friends kicked off when I heard him humming one of the Metallica tunes while we were sitting together in class. I read that in the US, Band T-Shirts are the best ice breakers for university students and I understood why it was that way.

I entered Engineering with a collection of 700 songs and left with a playlist of over 6000 songs. All of them were not rock/metal though. Some of my close friends used to listen to House/Trance and I developed a taste for it. I even started listening to instrumental songs of a completely different kind.

I strongly believe that music transcends the barriers of culture and language. I have songs in multiple languages like German, French, Italian and Spanish on my playlist and although I don’t know what they mean, the sound and the subsequent moods and emotions they induce ensure that words in some cases are quite meaningless. I don’t normally believe in different music for different moods, but I definitely feel that some songs induce certain emotions in me. Even the songs that lack words altogether can sometimes have a significant impact.

In my bucket list of things that I want to do in life, one thing that I was able to check off was attending a concert of one of my favourite bands. If I could, I would have picked Iron Maiden, and I actually got the chance to do that during the third year of engineering when I skipped college and went to Bangalore to watch them perform. The experience of watching a band perform amidst thousands of fans, chanting and singing along is unreal. The heat, sweat, congestion and inhuman discomfort just disappeared as the band performed amidst tens of thousands of screaming, chanting fans. This was the day that India lost to Bangladesh in the 2007 cricket world cup, but that became irrelevant for me at that point of time.

There are a lot of different genres of music that I never developed a taste for, but I am very happy with my current selection, as I believe is every individual. I like to appreciate the effort that goes into the songs, which is why I like rock bands, as you can actually see them perform with their instruments and not use computerised techniques for voice modulation or beats. One of the biggest advantages of music is that it gels perfectly with driving, enhancing my love for the automobile even further. There is one big risk with the power of music, which is that the first song that one listens to everyday gets stuck in your mind the whole day, which makes it an important decision at the start of the day, and for me a bad song can indicate a bad day.

I really regret not being able to play any musical instrument, especially the guitar, but I guess it goes with the entire package of not having any marketable skill. I cannot imagine a world without music and I shudder to think of how I would have travelled if I wasn’t able to carry my music along with me. I currently have over 7000 songs that can play non-stop without repetition for over 20 days, and I would love to get the opportunity to listen to them like that, but life doesn’t always work out that way. Till then, I will just keep listening to my playlist in a random order and take things as they come along.

mu·sic [myoo-zik]

–noun

1. An art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and color.

2. The tones or sounds employed, occurring in single line (melody) or multiple lines (harmony), and sounded or to be sounded by one or more voices or instruments, or both.

3. Musical  work or compositions for singing or playing.

4. The written or printed score of a musical  composition.

5. Such scores collectively.

6. Any sweet, pleasing, or harmonious sounds or sound: the music of the waves.

7. Appreciation of or responsiveness to musical  sounds or harmonies

Whats in a Name?

Before I begin, let me make my stand clear. I have never read any piece written by Shakespeare, and if things go according to plan, I never will. Also, I am not really sure which of Shakespeare's works had this quote, but I am quite sure someone will make it a point to enlighten me. My education was in a course where English literature was not considered to be of prime importance, so I was able to escape from the agony of reading page after page of texts written in a language that vaguely resembled English but was something I could never quite comprehend.
 
Anyways, I digress from the topic. This particular quote has always been something that got on my nerves, ever since I came across it. I could never agree with anyone who feels that a name is not important. Sure, I get the point that a name is immaterial as the innate characteristics of a person/object would remain the same no matter what it is known as and the whole look at the bigger picture etc. But, at the same time I believe that a name is immensely important and that it needs to be given its due priorities.
 
I am obsessed with my name, and as far as I know, most people I know are very attached to whatever they are called. A name is a part of one’s identity and in most cases is the first thing used to refer to any person. Names of important people transcend a simple identification method and become an adjective/brand. Most brand names that exist are actually named after people or their families. Since cars and weaponry are a couple of things that I am very interested in, most of my examples will be of those two products.

Names form a lineage, and you start associating certain characteristics with them. Most large brands are named after their founders. Most car companies like Ferrari, Ford, Lamborghini, Porsche, Toyota etc are named after their founders. A Ferrari is not just a fast car, it can be anything that is fast and has a very high performance. Almost all designer brands are named after their founders, and the name now stands for something. Recently an advertisement (a very sad one at that) used the name of a demi-god like cricketer as an adjective. ‘Beejon ka Tendulkar’. (I say Demi-God because living people cannot be gods).
 
Working in a marketing role, I feel that I understand and appreciate the importance of names more than what I did earlier. Whenever a new product is created, a name normally intends to represent the characteristics that it has and/or the characteristics it aims to have. So, if you have a new car being created, the chances of it being called snail or sloth are extremely low. On the other hand a name like Mustang or Diablo makes a lot more sense. Many companies choose a particular naming philosophy and it is actually very interesting to look up the meanings of names of many of the cars that exist. Lamborghini names its cars after famous award winning bulls that have participated in legendary bull fights. This also fits with their logo which is called the Raging Bull. So, Murcielago, Diablo, Gallardo and the latest Aventador have all been very famous bulls. I was curious as to what Estoque, which was a concept that was introduced a couple of years meant and I discovered that it was the name of the sword that is used by matadors in order to sleigh the bull at the end of the fight. Another concept by the same company was called ‘Sesto Elemento’ which means Sixth Element. The concept exhibited a new technology which had extensive use of Carbon Fiber (Carbon being the 6th element in the periodic table).  
Similarly, all weapons that exist have historic and powerful backgrounds. The US Air force arms its helicopters with Hellfire missiles. Some of their famous aircrafts are Raptor, Eagle, Hornet, Warthog and Viper. They use a drone called the Predator and cruise missiles called the Tomahawk. I don’t foresee a weapon called something like butterfly or bunny or a pillow being developed anytime in the near future.
 
The Indian Armed Forces have a brilliant naming system for their indigenous weapons as well that uses our rich cultural heritage and uses names derived from Sanskrit. The missiles like Prithvi, Agni, Nag, Shaurya, Nirbhay and Trishul exude a certain character that is expected from defence equipment. Tanks like Arjun and Bhishma, aircrafts like Tejas and Dhruv, drones like Laqshya are all synonymous with characters and characteristics linked to valour, power, skill and victory. Indian ships have a different naming convention ranging from names of cities, rivers, mountains to hand to hand weapons. One of the best names for weapons that I came across was during the Republic Day parade when an underwater stealth drone was displayed, which was called the Mareech, as it is a decoy drone (Refer to the Ramayan if you don’t understand the significance of this one).

Computer games, another product that I love, use names that give an idea of the type of game they are. So, quake, doom, prey and crysis refer to large scale disasters. ‘Call of Duty’, ‘Company of heroes’ refer to war and organised military. Command and Conquer refers to a strategy game where there is an army at your disposal. Age of Empires, Age of Wonders, Caesar, have a historical backdrop. Need for Speed, Blur and Burnout are racing games. You won’t easily find a game called stuffed panda which would be excessively violent or have a historic backdrop (Well, you could, but you don’t).

Even superheroes use creatures or powers that people like, fear or respect. You have Superman, Spiderman, and Batman etc. But you won’t find characters like Bunnyman or Koala Kid anywhere except in something like Southpark or Whose Line is it Anyway.
 
There is of course another naming system that is used which is purely functional and relies on practicality. An example of the same would be the one used by BMW or Mercedes, which use numbers or an alphabet and a set of numbers which tell you the class, engine type and some other details about the car. This relies on a certain amount of presumed knowledge in order for people to make sense of it.

Almost every religion has an important ceremony whenever a child is named. The event has very high significance and everyone names their children after characteristics that they hope that the child would imbibe or after people who exhibited these traits in religious/historical lore.

Even the nicknames that people assign to their friends, which are generally not supposed to be flattering represent some trait, in case the nickname has some meaning. Of course, most are just an abbreviated version of the name, which can then mean anything at all.

To me, a name is also important for a first impression. In case I meet someone that shares a name with an earlier acquaintance, I tend to assume and associate certain common characteristics with each name. So, if I meet someone who shares the name with a jerk from school, I will assume that the new person could be a jerk. This is not a sensible practice, but a bit of a habit.

All in all, names may or may not make sense, but in most cases a lot of thought goes into the entire naming process. I always feel bad for people who have silly names, as it is something that they will have to live with for the rest of their lives. I love my name as well as my nickname. I can’t accept it if it is not given due importance. So, Mr. Shakespeare, no matter what you write, no matter how much people appreciate your work. You should know, there is a lot that goes in every name. And you can't just belittle it with your blanket statements.


Name [neym]
–noun
1. A word or a combination of words by which a person, place, or thing, a body or class, or any object of thought is designated, called, or known.
2. Mere designation, as distinguished from fact: He was a king in name only.
3. An appellation, title, or epithet, applied descriptively, in honor, abuse, etc.
4. A reputation of a particular kind given by common opinion: to protect one's good name.
5. A distinguished, famous, or great reputation; fame: to make a name for oneself.
6. A widely known or famous person
7. An unpleasant or derogatory appellation or expression
8. A personal or family name as exercising influence or bringing distinction
9. A body of persons grouped under one name, as a family or clan.
10. The verbal or other symbolic representation of a thing, event, property, relation, or concept.

The Cash Cow

The last 6 years of my life were spent in professional colleges, which is not a complaint because it was a lot of fun and I learnt how to beat the system and graduate without learning much. I can’t claim that it was a unique achievement, as most of my friends did the same as well.

There was a stark difference between Engineering and an MBA, which I realized fairly early and which was a wonderful surprise. Engineering was a purely technical course and every term that was used had a particular meaning and purpose. It was very well defined and there was no scope of interpreting it using ones imagination, something that I found out the hard way every time I got my answer sheets.

MBA on the other hand was not very theoretical. I know that I have sat through exams not knowing a thing but walked out with decent marks. An MBA programme is more about common sense then about theories and concepts. I am talking more about Marketing because I know Finance and Operations do have a logical foundation. Marketing allows one to use their imagination and for lazy people like me, string together some long words into a seemingly meaningful sentence and scrape through the exam. I believe marketing exams were very practical. If you could fool the examiner, then you should eventually be able to fool the customers.

Indians are not very well known to be Management Gurus, sure we have our own celebrated personalities, who have their own distinct styles and practices which are reflected in several case studies, but we are not known to publish too many theories and concepts that are studied across the world and adopted as a household name. One thing the Westerners are very good at, which has actually worked for them, is the knack of stating something obvious, and then giving it a good title, and making a simple chart to accompany it. This, I believe is the gist of most theories that I learnt in Marketing or Strategy during my two years.

I am not going to delve into details and give too many examples or charts here. But, there are two things that I must confess at this juncture. 
One, I have a fairly wild imagination so I normally jump to several conclusions when I interpret a title literally. 
Two, I never really bothered to read the definitions or concepts that were taught so I never tried to get into the crux of what was being taught.

One particular term that sort of stuck to me was “Cash Cow”. I was able to interpret several different meanings of the same, and I thought I should write it down.

1. The actual meaning of Cash Cow is a product or a business unit that generates unusually high profit margins: so high that it is responsible for a large amount of a company's operating profit. This profit far exceeds the amount necessary to maintain the cash cow business, and the excess is used by the business for other purposes. This is also an indicator that the product or business is a safe bet for the company and does not have high potential for growth. This is actually what the theory states and forms on part of the BCG Matrix, which is shown.

2. So, the first one was the boring definition that is given in text books. When I first heard of this term, I thought it would be a miniature model of a Cow that has been made entirely of currency bills, perhaps by some crazy East Asian artist to generate instant fame. This would eventually be auctioned off in UK to some crazy collector for an obscene amount of money.

3. Another interpretation that I had was that a Cash Cow was something that ate cash and grew fat. Something like a stupid investment, this would go on consuming your funds but never really generate any decent returns. It reminded me of those stupid scams which would surface from time to time where people would be invited to invest money and then the firm would just vanish.

4. The most obvious one that I am sure most people would think of is that a Cash Cow would be a cow that would produce cash instead of Milk. Similar to the hen that lay a golden egg. Now, wouldn’t those be good things to have. This comes closest to the theoretical definition as well and does leave some scope for thoughts of corruption and exploitation.

5. Another thought that came to my mind was that a Cash Cow might be something like an oversized piggy bank where instead of storing coins, people would store thick wads of Cash. This would be something that would not be out of place in a Richie Rich cartoon. Maybe one of these Cash Cows could be stashed away behind in a secret room behind a wall in the offices of the Top Bosses of Large Organisations.

6. I won’t bore people too much, so this is going to be my last take on the term. Cash Cow or rather Cash Cows could also be one of the evil villain(s) in one of the western cartoons. Similar to the Beagle Boys, these would be Cows that would be notorious bank robbers and would keep stocking up on cash whenever they could. Cows being considered kind and gentle creatures, these would be robbers that no one would suspect, hence be very successful. They could also be anti-heroes in the sense they would rob from the rich and give to the poor, which could actually be a better fit.

There can be many more interpretations, but I didn’t want to make this post too long. It’s just that Indians aren’t that adept at creating terms and jargons which can be sold as theories, which is a good and a bad thing, as it means we aren’t as dumb as the people who actually buy into these things, but we miss out on the huge market that comprises of these idiots.

There was no real point to this post, it may just be a waste of time to all those who actually read it. Images that have been added are solely to create the illusion that this is interesting and meaningful. In case you are reading this, you may have wasted a precious few minutes of your life, and the fact that you continue to do so means that you are a true friend and just as jobless as me. 

in·ter·pre·ta·tion [in-tur-pri-tey-shuhn]/ɪnˌtɜrprɪˈteɪʃən/

–noun

1. the act of interpreting; elucidation; explication

2. an explanation of the meaning of another's artistic or creative work

3. a conception of another's behavior

4. a way of interpreting.

5. the rendering of a dramatic part, music, etc., so as to bring out the meaning, or to indicate one's particular conception of it.

6. oral translation.

Why MBA??

Anyone who has anything to do with an MBA Programme must have come across this question multiple times at different capacities. Whether it is during preparation, during an interview, cribbing about the programme with friends/family or during soul searching, this question always pops up from time to time. One of the most basic and seemingly redundant questions, it might have a lot more to it than people think. I was talking to a friend a couple of days ago, and I felt that this question needed to be explored. But, it’s mainly to try and understand why this question has kept irritating me for almost 3 years now. 

I first came across this question when I decided to appear for the MBA exams. At that time, I wasn’t the one answering the question, but I was on the receiving end of a sales pitch to convince me to try for this course. I had wanted to finish off my studies in one go, and because I didn’t want to continue technical education, doing an MBA in India was pretty much the only option left. And, my desire to not work in a coding job in an IT company meant that I had to find an alternative immediately. 

I have personally come across this question at 4 different phases, which I will explain in the remainder of the post.

Phase 1: Pre Entrance.
I never took my entrance exams too seriously, and felt that mock interview and GD sessions were a waste of time. So, when I went for my first interview, I was inevitably asked this dreaded question, and it was something that I had not put too much of thought into. To clarify things a little, the year in which I took the exam was the one when the MBA Bubble was at its peak. The recession had not hit, and Lehmann Brothers was one of the dream companies of most Finance Students. I had very simple reasons to do an MBA, I believed that it was an investment in which I paid 2 years and received a salary around 2-3 times what I would get after engineering. Of course, such an answer might give me points for honesty, but wouldn’t give me a seat in a decent college. This is when I think the first lesson of MBA started. The ability to lie to a person, when he knows that you are lying, yet is there solely to judge the quality of the lie is something that one needs to develop. The interviewer knows the truth, just as well as everyone else why anyone does an MBA that there are very few normal people who genuinely enjoy studying. All MBA aspirants either want to earn more, change their stream, are entranced by a myth, want a break from work or want to delay getting into work. However, when facing this question you have to humbly talk about how an MBA would enhance your skills, give you knowledge for your overall development, some more random gyan and how you always dreamt about this programme and that this is your destiny. I may have exaggerated a little, but I hope you get the point. I believe that this is a good preview of what an MBA programme is, it is an elaborate facade where you pretend to study, analyse, research and come up with a groundbreaking presentation to dazzle the audience and astound your teachers, who know that you have probably spent an hour at night going through a few articles and sites and then collating the result. However, the teacher has to pretend to be completely interested and prod in between, to express involvement and exhibit motivation.

Phase 2: Summer Internship
For some reason, I thought that once I am part of an institution, then I would no longer be expected to answer this question, but it wasn’t to be. During the summer internship phase, people started talking amongst each other to try and understand the choices and ambitions of others. This was also the time when friendships became strengthened and ideas were exchanged. During this time, I was asked the same question in an interview. Now, when I joined college, I was focused on majoring in Finance, but during my summer internship I went for a Market Research firm. And when this question was asked by this firm, my previous finance oriented answer became redundant. So, a modified version of the previous answer had to be used. This gave me another valuable lesson of what an MBA is all about. Just because one crosses a certain stage, does not mean that you can forget about what you did then. Also, in case something unexpected crops up, you have to be on your toes and learn how to adapt to it. It also means that if you have learnt something new, it should be used as an input to generate an improved result.

Phase 3: Final Placements
During my final trimester, as I approached the end of my course, I never dreamed that I would still be asked why I was doing an MBA. I thought, wrongly if I may add, that once the course is about to end, and people try to get a job, the why part should have been over, but it doesn’t really end up that way. During my final placements, I had ended up doing a complete about turn and had given up on finance in totality. I was quite selective about the companies to which I was applying, and I luckily ended up in one that fit my criteria. Ironically, this question was asked, not by the company that recruited me, but one that did not. I guess this question required an answer that would be a summation of how doing an MBA programme helped me, and about what I learnt from the course. It also gave an indication that MBA's are a stereotypical bunch and in case there is something that does not fit the bill, people find it unnerving and get curious. This also means that throughout your course you are meant to reflect on what you learn and if it fits into the plan that you had envisaged for yourself. It tries to show that learning is a continuous process and you have to present what you learnt in order to prove that you have become worthy of a higher position. Also, it indicates that you need to learn how to sell the skills that you have honed over these two years and prove that it is the result you were aiming for.

Phase 4: Reflection
This is the phase when the question was no longer asked by anyone, but by myself, when I started to consider whether the decision that I took a couple of years ago was the right one. It is when I did not have to lie or convince the other, but to evaluate myself and determine if I had reached the position that I had desired. Everyone entered the programme with certain dreams and expectations, and at this point of time one checks if they are on the right track, or if the course has ended, if they have reached the place that they wanted. This is when one realises that an MBA isn't just supposed to be a Means to an End, but the programme is supposed to be the starting block of a long journey, where one has to keep evaluating and assessing oneself and not lose track of the final goal. There are checks at different stages for one to ensure if they are on the right track, and if one takes a diversion, to understand how to return to that track. It also shows that the goal is dynamic. One might have started out with a certain aim, but experiences along the way may have given them the insight to understand that there can be a better path, and that there is no shame in changing the target accordingly.

In my opinion, the above is as close to a perfect summary of what an MBA is all about. It gives a person the ability to create a seemingly sensible conclusion that could convince or tend to convince an observer, even if the writer has no clue about what he is going on about, or is just lying. I believe that an MBA is a nationwide scam that is rampaging undeterred, and that many are using it to their advantage. The only thing one definitely learns from an MBA programme is the gift of gab and the ability to use certain overused terms while explaining anything. The ability to educate someone and convince him that he learnt something relevant, when they do know nothing about what they are preaching and the receiver had no interest in it in to begin with. One just learns how to make mountains out of molehills and try to show the other that he achieved something brilliant. And in case one is at the receiving end, to learn to pretend that the useless achievement is worthy of recognition surpassing Knighthood or a Nobel Prize.

All in all, I still can't answer the question - "Why MBA??" I don't think I ever will be. But. I doubt if this is going to keep me awake at night. For me, an MBA was worth it. I may be stuck in a city in the remote corners of the country whiling my time away, someplace that I never dreamed I would be in, but it is all right, because I know that it is a temporary phase and is something that I was prepared for. I had certain requirements from this course, most of which have been met. Besides, I don't think this question has a correct answer. The course was an investment of time, money and some effort, and personally, I think it paid off. Will it pay off for everyone else, I really don’t know. One thing I am sure about though is that this question will never stop bothering me and I will be forced to reevaluate myself over and over again. I never thought about why I did my Engineering, but Why MBA, this is something that everyone wants to know.

in·tro·spec·tion [in-truh-spek-shuhn]

–noun

1. observation or examination of one's own mental and emotional state, mental processes, etc.; the act of looking within oneself. 

2. the tendency or disposition to do this. 

[from Latin intrōspicere  to look within, from intro-  + specere  to look]

Virtual Worlds

Before I begin, let me present a few scenarios.

Scenario 1 – Medieval Fantasy. The world is in chaos. Humanity is in peril. The world is ruled by Might and Magic wherein Humans, Orcs, Dwarves, Elves and Demons are just some of the different races that are in a constant battle for supremacy when you suddenly realize that a great calamity is about to befall, which will bring an end to life as we know it, and begin a reign a chaos. The world now needs a hero, a warrior of justice, someone who can unite the warring factions and prevent this great evil from destroying the world. You are that hero. How you accomplish your quest is totally up to you. It is an epic task, and your choices will determine the future of mankind. Are you up to the challenge?

Scenario 2 – War Torn Past/Present. You are an elite soldier/secret agent/commando fighting against an oppressive megalomaniacal regime hell bent on world domination. You, single handedly/with a select few, have been entrusted with the task of making sure that your enemies do not succeed. Failure is not an option. Deep within enemy territory, you may have to assassinate rebel leaders/sabotage critical installations/destroy enemy bases/rescue hostages or steal vital intelligence. Your achievements may never be known to the world, but you know that your acts would save countless lives. Do you think you can do it?

Scenario 3 – Alien Invasion. An ancient relic has been discovered which suddenly became active as scientists started experimenting on it, and before you know it a fleet of Alien spaceships emerge on the horizon and they don’t seem to be here to exchange pleasantries. Within a few months, the world is in chaos. Humans are on the verge of extinction. You are one of the few remaining soldiers of the resistance. The fate of humans lies in your hands. Your mission is simple - Hit the aliens, and hit them hard. You are outnumbered, technologically outclassed and reinforcements are non-existent. The odds are stacked heavily against you. Probability of success is almost zero. The situation is hopeless, just the way you like it.

Scenario 4 – Being God. Maybe you have a much larger perspective, and you don’t want to be a small cog of a large machine. You wish to be all powerful, you want to control. Create or Destroy, Good or Evil, that is your choice. You could be a compassionate god, loved and respected by your followers, or you could be belligerent and ruthless, forcing your minions to cower in fear. You could do what you want without any fear, threatened only by other gods, in case you overstep the boundaries. The world is in your finger tips, and you can shape its destiny as you please.

Scenario 5 – Corporate Giant. You are the head of a giant corporation and you can create your own empire in the sector of transportation/oil/entertainment/real estate/automobiles or any other sector you can think of. You could design and run your own amusement park and customize the rides according to your preference or you could be controlling an entire transport organization and maintain and manage airports or railways. You might just consider yourself an automobile giant and could be designing and creating cars, competing with rival corporations to emerge on top.

Scenario 6 – Global Conquest. Your county has been caught off guard and a surprise invasion has begun. There is total chaos as the enemy war machine rolls on deeper into your territory, leaving behind a wake of destruction. Your objectives are three fold, defend, reclaim, and conquer. Once you repel the enemy from your lands, you must invade their country in order to ensure that they do not make the same mistake in future. Build an army, prepare a battle plan, and crush the enemy. You know the objective, you have your resources. The honour of your country is at stake, fight for glory.

Scenario 7 – You are a paddle. You float from side to side and your only purpose is to keep a ball bouncing. If the ball falls, you fail. There are objects floating above which need to be destroyed by the bouncing ball. You get power ups from time to time to aid you in your cause. Your quest is almost endless as the floating objects keep changing.

I could go on and on with the different scenarios as there are infinite possibilities. There is a certain charm about fiction, which is why most of us are often influenced by movies, cartoons, comic books, novels and any other source which provides an alternate reality. I know that after reading a good book or watching a movie I have wished that I was a superhero, detective, fighter pilot, race car driver, sniper, sorcerer or many other personas that have been depicted. For a person to find himself in some of the scenarios is absolutely impossible, while almost all of them are extremely improbable. Humans are highly ambitious and aspiration driven creatures who strive to achieve something extra. I think most of us dream of being heroes, and am sure everyone makes castles in the air.

There is a very good reason why fiction is so popular. It gives people a channel to escape into someone else’s world. And the stories that leave an impact are the ones in which you can associate with one of the characters. I am sure most of us would have wanted to be the stars of the movies that we see, not for the fame and fortune, but for the adventure that is promised.

I know this has been an extremely long introduction, but this brings us to the point of my post, computer games. It is not a secret that I love playing computer games, and I have been hooked on to them ever since I got my first computer back in 1997, and I consider myself to be pretty good at them as well. Some people don’t really enjoy playing games too much, and there are multiple reasons behind it, but for me playing a game is like living a movie. There is a certain charm in living out an adventure where there are no repercussions if you fail or leave it midway. Also, having the ability to cheat at times to get out of tricky situations is a bonus.

It is very easy to get immersed in the game world. I know I might never really be able to afford a garage full of gorgeous supercars, and if and when I actually do, I am sure I won’t drive them the way I drive in the games that feature them. I remember playing games where the barricades were more of speed breakers and the objective would be to hit them at such an angle, so that the loss in speed is minimized. Braking and avoiding barricades or navigating turns was a thought that seemed too absurd to actually implement.

There is a similar case when I play the shooters that are oh-so-popular and so much fun. I wouldn’t really want to kill anyone in real life, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t imagine how my surroundings, (especially the quadrangle in Manipal) would feel in case it was a map in a deathmatch. Games made me develop an interest in weaponry, especially guns, and specifically sniper rifles. It might be wrong but it sure is fun, lying prone on the ground and firing a single muted shot to take out an unsuspecting target hundreds of meters away. I would actually love to own some of these weapons, though what I would do with them is something that is completely unknown. The downside of such violent games is also quite evident. I have started to believe that depiction of violence, murder etc has a desensitising effect on people, so that they no longer exhibit the normally expected reactions like shock, sadness, disgust when they come across some situations in real life. The realistic depiction of mutilation, decapitation, massacres, which in a sense glorifies violence, is just a ploy to earn money and ratings, but I doubt if it induces violent acts. Only a tiny fraction of individuals with peanut sized brains would play a game and then actually go out killing people.

It is so much fun being so many characters, from soldiers to pilots to astronauts and aliens. Gods, demons, superheroes, villains, you could be a character from any country, any civilization, any era, and in some cases, any species as well. Reality is not a constraint and the only limiting factor is the imagination of the developers, and well technology to translate the imagination into reality. One doesn’t always need to be righteous, and can satisfy his dark side as well, there are games available that allow one to be a tyrannous demon lord, or a thief/assassin, you can also be a megalomaniacal supervillain, complete with a dormant volcano for a secret lair and a giant laser keeping the world hostage.

The best thing about playing games is that you can save and pause an adventure at any moment. The worst possible thing that can happen is that you may fail a few times or get bored, but no one cares if you give up. Of course, it is very hard to leave a game midway, no matter how difficult it might be. The only case when one normally quits is if the game is rotten. You can also have multiple adventures and you are almost always assured of a good ending in which you succeed, although there might be multiple twists in the tale. There is a huge drawback in case the game ends and the storyline doesn’t, which means you have to wait for a while for a sequel to be released.

Games have developed a lot over the years from the silly DDave and Cat to the current marvels of technology where linearity is becoming a thing of the past and your actions control the story with no fixed endings. There are also games that are played online and are endless, so one is free to play as long as they want. I strongly believe that games provide fuel to develop a much richer imagination because when you play a game, you actually experience the outcome of another human beings imagination, and because you get the feeling that you are in control, it is a much more immersive experience than watching a movie. I really think that the end result is a richer, more hyperactive imagination, which might border on being a little twisted, but it gives a fresher perspective to a lot of things.

People might find it strange, but I personally believe that I have learnt a lot through games. I developed a strong interest in weaponry, wars and mythology, and learnt a lot about fantasy worlds like the characters from Middle Earth that have become so popular these days. The competitive feeling of playing against friends, and venting out frustration by blowing things up is very rewarding. It is a lot of fun to be able to identify the guns that are used in movies, and it helps to picture what kind of gun is being mentioned whenever I read a novel. Also, I think I have learnt a bit about the cultures of other countries, at least in terms of their military hierarchy across different ages. Though I might not be able to drive all the supercars that I want, but at least driving them in a game is better than not driving at all. With technology kicking in, motion blur and near real visuals do provide a kick, which motivates me even more to strive for these machines.

I would rather live an adventure than watch one from the outside, and rather than go through the perils of a movie like adventure in real life, I am happy with playing them on a screen. Besides, I would never want or get the opportunity to do many of the things that I can do in games. So, ladies and gentlemen, Let’s Play.

game ¹ (ɡeɪm)

— n

1. an amusement or pastime; diversion

2. a contest with rules, the result being determined by skill, strength, or chance

3. a single contest in a series; match

4. equipment needed for playing certain games

5. short for computer game

6. style or ability in playing a game

7. an activity undertaken in a spirit of levity; joke

8. an object of pursuit; quarry; prey

— adj

9. informal full of fighting spirit; plucky; brave

10. informal ( usually foll by for ) prepared or ready; willing

[Old English gamen; related to Old Norse gaman, Old High German gaman amusement]