Monday 3 March 2008

Classroom Crusades

Unlike common perception, a classroom is pretty much like a Battlefield in many ways. There are many different ranks and strategies that are prevalent amongst this innocent looking group of people. Students are engaged in a perpetual struggle against the oppressive and relentless enemy which is in the form of the administration, faculty and other authorities. Despite being involved in a losing battle, students (who shall be referred to as soldiers), fight with all their might to achieve moral victories against the administration (which shall henceforth be referred to as Oppressive Tyrants). From my personal observation I shall describe the different ranks and strategies that exist in the system.

The Ranks :
There are several ranks and positions that are assigned to different soldiers according to their skill set, abilities and seating positions. Some of the common ranks are :

1. General Infantry - Also referred to as Cannon Fodder or more commonly called "Nodders", these are the lowest ranking soldiers in the classroom. They are the over enthusiastic creatures that have already been brainwashed by the Oppressive Tyrant Propaganda Machine (OTPM) and are overeager and ever compliant to the needs and instructions of the Oppressive Tyrants. They sit in the front seats and eagerly listen to the enemy propaganda and take notes of the same. They are also known to circulate the propaganda amongst other soldiers. The brainwashed soldiers have a tendency to agree to whatever instructions they receive from the enemy and always nod in assent, hence the moniker 'Nodders'. Sitting in the front seats makes them vulnerable to the enemy war machine, making them cannon fodder protecting the other ranks from the onslaught.

2. Scouts/Commandoes - Also referred by some as Guinea Pigs, they form highest class of the soldiers after the Warlords. They are the loyal and fearless soldiers who perform tremendous acts of courage for The Great Cause. These soldiers are the first in the battle, and are used by Warlords to assess the gravity of a situation, after which a decision is made on whether the rest of the elite soldiers should follow or whether the strategy needs to be changed. The fearless act may involve Exfiltration from the enemy ranks (fleeing from the classroom), providing Cover Fire (so that other soldiers may flee), Infiltrating enemy archives (Proxy attendance) etc. They do not have a fixed seating position in class and are scattered all around for greater effectiveness. A group of most loyal Commandos can always be found just in front of the Warlords.

3. Spies - These are a very rare breed of highly groomed soldiers who with great courage and self sacrifice infiltrate enemy installations and provide insider information about enemy strategies and battle plans (Dates of Surprise Tests and Important Questions). They are often considered Nodders by those who do not know their true identity. They are taken into confidence by the Oppressive Tyrants and they leak information despite the constant fear of being caught. Another very important mission objective of spies is the release and safe return of Prisoners of War. Spies blend in with their surrounding soldiers so they do not have a fixed seating position. Their true identity is known only to the Warlords.

4. Warlords - They are the leaders of The Great Cause. These strategists are the most versatile and important soldiers on the battlefield. Most of the times their identities are known to the enemy and hence, they are always under surveillance. The Warlords have to be alert and on their toes at most times and they are the ones who come up with the battle plans. They are responsible for the decisions that will affect the lives of other soldiers. They are revered and honoured amongst their comrades and have a substantial following of loyal soldiers. Warlords may assume the roles of Commandos and in certain extreme situations have been known to act as Spies as well. A couple of the Warlords form the Think Tank, the department that dedicates their total concentration to formulate strategies and remains absolutely oblivious to the enemy propaganda (Sleep in the class). Warlords command soldiers and have to ensure perfect execution of battle plans with minimal casualties. They can be found in the strategy rooms of the battlefield (The last benches of the classroom).

5. Prisoners of War - These are the brave souls who were caught while performing courageous acts to help The Great Cause. They often have to endure Inhuman Torture (Interrogation + Lectures, Subject Questions), Imprisonment (Forced to sit in the front seat), Disarmament (Seizure of Cell Phones) and in certain extreme cases, they are Executed (Not Given Attendance).

6. Martyrs - These are the brave souls who lose their lives on the battlefield while performing selfless acts of bravery or who finally lose their nerve after being exposed to excessive enemy propaganda. We have a minute of silence for all the soldiers who died waiting for the dismissal bell to ring. These immortal spirits are always held in high regard by their comrades.

7. Turncoats/Military Police - These are the worst breed of soldiers who disrupt the battle plans and hinder successful execution and accomplishment of mission objectives. They have pledged allegiance to the Oppressive Tyrants and try to leak strategies to the enemy. Their motive is to discourage and brainwash other soldiers to make them abandon The Great Cause. One of the most dangerous type of Turncoats are the ones which pretend to support the cause and are instrumental in initiation of certain strategies, and their eventual betrayal leads to the brave soldiers falling into a trap. The most loathed scum on the battlefield, turncoats often suffer the wrath of the Warlords.

8. Kamikaze – The bravest of the brave, these soldiers are the most loyal to The Great Cause and openly challenge death on the battlefield. They perform unprecedented acts of valour with imminent consequences of imprisonment and execution, just to provide a spark of inspiration or uplift the morale of their comrades. Masters of improvisation, excelling in both Long range and hand to hand combat, no matter where they are present, they know how to strike fear in the heart of the Oppressive Tyrants.

9. Snipers - An elite class of soldiers of The Great Cause, Snipers are masters of disguise and are amongst the most skilled and patient soldiers. They attack from distance and ensure that the target is eliminated. First Strike is the Last Strike and the Only Strike. Snipers take shelter in a particular location and blend in with the surroundings. Laying prone, unmoving, they seek the perfect moment to strike and ensure the annihilation of their target when the opportunity to strike presents itself. A sniper may be forced to change its location if it feels a threat of being uncovered. These soldiers are normally found in the darkest corners of the battlefield.

There are several battle strategies that are formulated according to the requirements of the situation. It is not possible to enlist all of them, so a few of the most important will be mentioned here. A good strategy needs flexibility and adaptability, so the following strategies may not be enforced exactly as written. Most strategies involve Sowing confusion amongst the Oppressive Tyrants and require immense use of Psychological and Guerilla Warfare.

The common strategies are :
1. Smokescreen - Also known as providing Cover Fire. This strategy is employed during Infiltration and Exfiltration. It enables one soldier to perform his duty while the Oppressive Tyrants are distracted by the sudden outburst in another location. In laymen terms, A group distracts the Oppressive Tyrants while Soldiers escape from captivity or give Proxy Attendance.

2. Search and Destroy - This strategy involves desperately going through intelligence records to look for chinks in the armour of the Enemy, and then to capitalise on the weakness. It may involve execution of an Oppressive Tyrant or negation of their Propaganda Machine. i.e. Manipulation of an easy teacher, Looking for Teaching errors.

3. Bombardment - Mostly preceded by Search and Destroy Strategies, if a weakness is found in the Propaganda, the Warlords initiate an intense counterattack to initiate a reign of chaos on the battlefield. i.e. Bombardment of questions on dubious information or mistakes made by the teachers.

4. Hold the Line - This strategy is used as a means of distracting and infuriating the Oppressive Tyrants in order to force them into making a rash decision. It is also used to buy time on the battlefield. It involves strong and unrelenting resistance to the Propaganda. i.e. Soldiers keep arguing, and do not accept explanations given by Oppressive Tyrants.

5. Artillery Barrage - This involves long range attacks on enemy installations from different corners of the battlefield. It is used as a means of deterring the Oppressive Tyrants from attempting to gain ground and is a show of valour and defiance. It is an aural attack and needs to proceed with utmost caution as perpetrators, if caught are mostly executed. i.e. Whistling, Screaming, Mobile Phone Rings etc.

6. Air Strikes - When the attack takes to the skies and there is a direct confrontation with military installations, fearless Pilots, negating, fear of execution go for a frontal attack from the air to crumple enemy defences. i.e. Throwing Airplanes, Chalks etc.

7. Blockade - Complete and total defiance of authority. Non compliance and Total lack of cooperation to disrupt enemy propaganda. Soldiers refuse to submit and prevent the Oppressive Tyrants from executing their battle plans. i.e. Not allowing teacher to enter the class or teach.

8. Stealth - Oppressive Tyrants fail to find soldiers, who are camouflaged and hence enemy battle plans are deemed completely ineffective. i.e Mass Bunk.

Important Note - The above strategies are executed only by Loyal Soldiers to The Great Cause. While referring to soldiers and their ranks, reference has been made mainly to Male Soldiers. Female Soldiers are mostly Cannon Fodder, Military Police or Turncoats and are almost always a hindrance in formation and smooth execution of Battle Strategies. There are very few Female soldiers Loyal to The Great Cause prevalent on the Battlefield.

In case you’re wondering what rank you hold, do not hesitate to ask me, I will try to help you understand your ranks and positions in the battle.


cru·sade [kroo-seyd]

–noun

1. (often initial capital letter) any of the military expeditions undertaken by the Christians of Europe in the 11th, 12th, and 13th centuries for the recovery of the Holy Land from the Muslims.
2. any war carried on under papal sanction.
3. any vigorous, aggressive movement for the defense or advancement of an idea, cause, etc.

–verb (used without object)

4. to go on or engage in a crusade.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Excellent work man!!!
The ranks n da strategies have be marked really well.
btw wch game have u used as a reference...Command n Conquer...!?
Newez brilliant stuff

Anonymous said...

brilliant guide

Anonymous said...

just hope it doesn't fall into the wrong hands

AnThropocentric said...

I dont think that should really be an issue. This document has been secured and will self destruct if it reaches enemy hands.

Anonymous said...

great post...
except for the last point which yet again shows ur chauvinism and habit of generalisation :-P